Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
