last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
