We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
