Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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