All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
