If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
