I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
