i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
