Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
