your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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