look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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