i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
