Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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