what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize