I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
