is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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