so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we're making bets on your personal life
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
