We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
