On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
