I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
