great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
