awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
