In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
