You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
