I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
