Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Enjoy the penises
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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