I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
