you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
do herpes really smell.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Randomize
