i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
