I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
