I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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