If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
