two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
