everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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