apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
