dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
