just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
