dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
