Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i would one night stand the shit outta him
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
