Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
