I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
