so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
