so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
