well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
