Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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