Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
