im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
