I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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