..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Shame is for Republicans.
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