There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just google imaged poop.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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