The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
