I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm at about main and main street
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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