Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
