My brain says no but my pants say off.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
