Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just forgot I was standing up.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
