She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
