Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
