I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
