Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
