i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
