she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
