remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
