dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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