did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
