Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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