:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
