The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
