Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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