So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
