she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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