i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
