it wasn't lemon gatorade
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
