Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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