I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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