honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
