My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
