is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
